Introversion - What a song can do...

How familiar are you with your body? What is the appropriate age to begin "knowing" your body? Is there an appropriate age to discover or rediscover? When thinking about children discovering their body I think of babies putting their feet in their mouth, toddlers learning the different terms for their body (hand, foot, hip, nose), or looking at themselves in the mirror. Aside from these forms of physical body exploration, after childhood it seems that our culture neglects these sort of self-discovery rituals. Why? It seems that people will label one another by their appearances. In that judgment they can only perceive the physical aspects of each other. Is there more to us than just the body? What sort criticism does a person face when attempting to explore this kind of self-discovery?


When I was a child I was amazed when I began to discover my physical body. I would look in the mirror and say "that's me!" I would repeat this over and over again, "That's me! No wait, THAT'S ME!" I was fascinated by the reality of what I looked like along with an inner thought that kept repeating "This is what Michael looks like," and I would respond in amazement, "wow!"

Last year I wrote in my sketchbook about this form of exploration. I mentioned how in this body ritual I would see my body as having different components. I would speak to each part as though it was alive with a mind of its own. I wrote, "When I was discovering my body...This is my big toe. I am touching my big toe. Hello toe! How are you today?" This practice would give me a chance to develop a special relationship with myself and my body; and I would begin familiarizing myself with my physical makeup, celebrating my physical existence. I painted an abstract watercolor piece to describe this exploration.


When talking about "seeing" yourself it is also important to discuss what identity is and how there is more than one level of it. There are many ways for a person to obtain an identity. We have physical, emotional, intellectual, and spiritual mechanisms to do this. We have our bodies, which relates to physical identities. If I were sitting in a chair, speaking in only physical terms, I am only my body while the chair is the chair. I do not physically become the chair when I'm sitting in it. We can identify emotionally with feelings that we're currently experiencing or feelings we once had. Through empathy and compassion we can identify with feelings that others are experiencing. We have an intellectual identity. We associate ourselves with ideas, concepts, and/or theories. While communicating with someone who holds intellectual interests similar to our own, we can identify through our interests, the dialogues and conversation, and by associating our understanding with their own. People identify with spiritual and religious beliefs and/or practices. The idea here is that there are so many ways for a person to develop their identity. This goes far beyond just our physical body.

Knowing that our identities are composed of a complex amount of factors, can our physical body fully represent our non-physical self? I'm not sure that it is possible, yet it appears to be that in today’s society there is a superficial demand to be labeled by our appearances. We generally are not taught to look beyond the body; we're taught only see the flesh and its fashion. We do not practice seeing each other’s authentic and complete self. There is so much to see inside our existence alone, and if you’re bored, there’s a whole world of other people to discover. There is so much to see; an endless supply of identity that is constantly evolving and changing every moment of our existence.


My amazement with my body is that it doesn't appear to physically represent the being that I supposedly am. I am growing and changing all the time. Does my body show it to a point where it is noticeable? If it did I’m not sure if it would matter; I’m implying that mastery of understanding identity doesn’t seem possible or necessary. My focus is more mindful of the endlessness and ever changing aspect. I desire to celebrate the constant variety found in identity rather than try to hold onto one singular face. I wish to know myself, my existence, in every body that it embodies.


If I were to adapt to the cultural norm and look at my physical self in a traditional American sociological perspective, then compare that to my personal self-image, my response would be, "wow that's me." You could interpret that comment to a sarcastic tone where I'm saying, "Wow that's me? Is this how the world sees me? It's funny because that sure isn't how I see me." Please don’t misinterpret the statement to be a negative comment about my self-image, as I am not displeased with my body or my appearance. I realize that I am not perceived by the world in the same way I see myself. By simply acknowledging this; I see that acknowledgment as a way of embracing my body, even when it doesn’t visually represent all that I am. The body is limited to the flesh and only that which is physical. It cannot fully represent me. By embracing the limited body, the comment then becomes, “This is my body. This is what I’ve got. This is what the world sees. I know that I am more than this.”


I cannot change my body. No amount of plastic surgery or exercise will ever shape my body into the being that I truly am. It's like asking, what does the face of a poet look like? At first we can attach visual symbolism to our idea; maybe a poet wears a French hat, always has a pen and paper in hand, stares out into the clouds often. Yet there is no physical form to represent true intelligence. We can observe intelligent decisions demonstrated in design of products, placements, arrangements, word choices, and so on, but this observation is only observing the results of the intelligence and not the intelligence itself. This is so because intelligence is not physical, therefore it cannot have a physical face.


With my camera, and the right kind of music, I explored myself with semi-nude (shirtless) photographs. My intention was to photograph myself. The body does not change, but the forms that it takes does. I take photos of myself often. The photos serve me in many ways. At times they are a reflection of my feelings. They can be a narrative of the current moment. They can be my visual language of expressing my desire for intimacy. They can represent a desire to be seen seriously through the facial expressions created. For the most part, they are a continuation of the self-discovery body ritual. When I look at them I see a part of me. Through taking multiple images, it is intended that the viewer begins to see a complexity of characters, and through more exposer they begin to understand there is 'so much' to this being. They are not meant to define me other than from moment to new moment. The deeper implication is, 'I am all of these things, and more.'


When developing the nerve to take these photos there is so much criticism I must face. There is a responsibility that comes with these photographs, even when they are only semi-nudes. It starts with the association towards pornography. In no way should these photographs be classified as pornographic, but the words "nude" or "naked" can immediately cover the intention of self-love and appreciation that is being attempted. These photographs hold a very specific intention. It is easy to misunderstand that and only see the physical side of things. It is easy to miss the intention if there is no interpretation presented.


I admit to taking nude self-portraits, but such photos are only intended for my own eyes and for the practice of "seeing" myself. For me, there is a reality that exists in nudity. It reveals a side of me that is not normally shown. At times while taking the photos self-consciousness settles in. I could see my naked body a hundred times in the mirror, yet a photograph can offer an entirely different experience. I forget what I look like. Years can go by, and I forget my scars, bumps, hair, freckles, and height. The body transforms physically and metaphorically. This can be a concern. Without the right kind of guiding influences, who teach us to love and embrace our personal being, it becomes easy to fall into traps of our own minds that tell us we are flawed.


If you go to MySpace and do a browse for males between the ages of 18-32 in a 20 mile radius of almost any zip code you are practically guaranteed to find profiles of shirtless men. With such strong social influences that possess sexual connotations, self-embracing rituals drown with their loving intentions into an ocean of superficiality. For those who are daring enough to expose themselves, even when having sexual intentions, they too face a reality that viewers will see their flesh yet will never see more than the sexual individual being presented. There are also those who have wanted to have the courage to expose themselves for so long yet can barely bring themselves to look into the mirror. I wonder what needs to happen to help people be comfortable with their flesh. Although my original intended audience of my photographs was myself, I share them to reveal my discoveries found in this self-love.

The photographer Duane Michals shot a series of 5 photographs titled Narcissus. The image depicts a nude male who discovers his reflection in a pond. Through the black and white series the model begins to reach out towards his reflection until his hand meets the water and the ripples created distort the illusion.


The perspective I take towards the presented character is a man in love with his beauty. The narcissism in this case comes in the belief that beauty is in the flesh. I interpret the character's intentions of self-love to be shallow. I could be way off as there are a million ways to interpret this piece. Interpretations can change with new influences.


Instead of making a concrete decision about narcissism, the idea was to associate how intentions can be drowned when we flood our perception with the illusion of how things appear; in turn we forget to listen and simply observe.

To be comfortable with my body is quite a challenge. When appreciating myself with photography I can be accused of narcissism. I can be labeled to having sexual intentions or even be seen on the extremes of pornography. Superficially speaking, I have the media to compete with; muscular models with glossy biceps. Internally I am conflicted with my body's inability to represent my non-physical identities. I am challenged by my own self-consciousness and forgetful mind of what I actually look like, as opposed to what I remember looking like. With so many conflicting and contradicting factors, created by society and myself combined, it is not easy to defend my intention to love myself. People don't seem to realize I’m taking care of myself when I do this. These images are created from a deep and introverted place. The tone is very serious and quiet. Whatever/whoever I am, I wanted to express and celebrate myself like this. They capture a piece of my introversion.

Spring Break!

All I want to do is read books, write poetry and diary entries, cook food, lay in the bathtub for hours at a time, talk to people, and just be my creative self. It is a horrible thought to know you are so behind in so many other things and that most of these things are nearly impossible (even though that word should be stricken from all our vocabularies). And so, we make these small attempts to love the way we deem appropriate.

to keep showing up.

Today I was lonely. It has been a while since I have felt this way. Even when I am alone I do not always have this feeling in me. The feeling comes from the desire for companionship. I am not speaking of the classical ideals of a friend, a partner, spouse, or whatever but more so it is the longing for the deep, human intimacy. When we have it, it can be one of the most fulfilling things. Similar to how Ram Dass expresses his love for his guru (or teacher) in his book "Be Here Now" he said that when he was with his guru he felt like there was someone at home. This is a powerful form of intimacy. To the way that I understand things real intimacy occurs when we consciously choose to be active listeners. It occurs when we choose not to judge one thing that comes out of the other person's mouth and we simply listen; we allow them to express themselves in whatever feeling or situation they may be in, even if we don't agree with it. Feeling comfortable with the situation is not the objective. We sacrifice for a moment any of our own desires in order to just "BE THERE" with the other person. This can be seen as a form of Altruism.


According to dictionary.com, one of the definitions of altruism is, "The principle or practice of unselfish concern for or devotion to the welfare of others (opposed to egoism)." If we have a friend who's in need of support or mentoring the intimacy occurs most when we listen. Through the acts of patience and compassion we calmly guide them from any state of worry or sadness with dialogue that offers strategy for improvement rather then telling them what to do. It is different when we choose to "discuss how" rather than "tell how". Do you see how the wording of these things can be so important? How about noticing the emotional differences in sentences, or the authority differences. I know that speaking about these things might make me appear overly emotional or sensitive but I can say from first hand experience that these things do matter to other people, especially those who are in need.


In my state of loneliness it isn't even that I needed advice as I have my own methods of getting through personal issues, but more so I feel like I just needed someone to hold my hand, and quietly so. What I'm trying to explain here is that for some people all they need is a little attention. Every once in a while it is nice to have someone check in and say "hello." Now don't misinterpret this and begin an obsession that will have you going around town, assuming everyone's this lonely, and begin asking them a million questions. Some people don't want this attention, they want, and need, silence. It takes a good pair of ears and eyes to notice what it is a person truly needs, and everyone's needs are different. If you have the energy to give you can make a person's life brighter when you listen. The most important part of it is having the intention be a genuine one; not something forced, and not something where we are expecting successful results. This act is meant to be done for the principle instead of the title of “Good Samaritan”. We can't expect attention back; if you receive appreciation in return then you should celebrate it as one of the greatest gifts ever received.


I long for human intimacy, people who have the ability to be intimate with others. This confession is one of my most vulnerable and emotional aspects of myself. It is something I take very seriously inside. My work focuses on improving intimacy by teaching others what it is, how to better achieve it, how to maintain it, and how to integrate it into our lives. This is a two way street where I can only offer so much and the rest lies in the hands of the other person and their desire for it. Bigger questions surface from this passion. It appears that my need depends upon other people to feel successful. Does this mean that my happiness is dependent upon others? If so, is there a way to be happy when I'm not receiving this sort of attention? I will be the person who's going to determine that answer, and I wish to do so as maturely as possible.


Sure, we'd love to say we can control our happiness level, but saying it doesn't exactly enable us more. How do we do this? The answer comes in finding other ways to achieve intimacy. This is not a form of suppression because we're facing the reality that right now, that kind of intimacy is just not available; so now what? This is when I turn to myself. Listening to a lecture I once heard that 50% of the time depression could be cured with a little aerobic exercise. I decided to take a walk. I figured I would look for that intimacy in what I had available, and in that time it was in nature.


Something I never really told anyone till now was when I was younger, walking home from the bus stop, I would walk under a tree where the lowest branch would hang. I would let the leaves touch my face, imagining that they had a voice, and each leaf would tell me how much they loved me. Every touch was a kiss to my cheek. I would allow my thoughts to believe the sunrays were arms that hugged me with their warm light. Rain would be a blessing; a washing away of stress. When in the direct view of the moon I could hear a song from her light singing "I love you" over and over again. Nature, and things that we come to that do not speak in a human voice, can have a voice of its own that does not discriminate, judge, or try to tell us how to go about our lives. Instead it sings songs of love and wishes you all the happiness your heart can hold so you would never feel alone. It does this by just being there with you, witnessing everything you go through in life, holding your hand in the process. If you allowed yourself to believe this world was that beautiful wouldn't you want to be an introverted person all the time? People will give you a strange look when you try to explain that the leaves are singing to you songs of love. Even if we do not wish to believe such things the intimacy of nature still exists before us as every day the sun makes love to the earth, feeding her with his rays, and the plants harmonize in the environment with their cellular dance.


The strategy to overcome the loneliness is by facing the reality of the current moment and allowing other available things replace that sadness with love. We have to understand that our depression is rooted in the way that we are currently thinking, and so we have to figure out a different way to think, and then we have to give ourselves permission to do it. I really think the answer is that simple. I'm sure that there are more complex situations I'm not addressing, but on a general level maybe this is the path for some of us.



In my walk I went down a street that I use to bike ride on as a teenager. The way that the plants and trees would grow towards the light would create a metaphorical sound of its own; a striving and longing for more light. It was almost a ghostly moan, but a natural and familiar sound to hear by a person who is friends with these trees. Sometimes I would see the branches in their lifted position as dancers with open arms, ready to embrace my arrival as I'd zoom down the hill with no hands on the bar.



There has been new development on the road. Ironically, part of the new development had my name. Also in my walk back a car drove past whose license plate read "Mikles". I visited different places that I use to come to in the past to relax and get away from the things that got to me most. I intentionally listened to nature around me, doing my best to be a witness to the harmony it possessed. The growth of vegetation, the path of roots and vines caught my eyes. I looked at rocks and the marks left from growing plans and fungi.


I took time to notice the sounds. I had the opportunity to see deer running. I stopped at a small creek where I use to sit and watch the water. I think of lyrics from the sound of music in her desire to sing from nature, "...to laugh like a brook when it trips and falls over stones on its way." A celebration of life indeed!


When I was walking home I came across a stone. In the dark moist earth this stone gave a creamy and carnelian glow. I picked it up and held it in my hands. Instead of brushing off the dirt that clung to it I smeared it in my hands as I touched every bit of the stone. My hands were already cold, but the stone was colder; probably the temperature of ice. The reality of the cold made me wish to hold it longer because "this" was real; this I could touch; this made the experience ever more permanent inside of me. When I entered the house the nerves in my hands danced with life and spoke their funny language saying, "I'm alive! I'm alive!"

The loneliness has not escaped me and I will probably experience this again at some point. I have no doubt in my mind that this feeling will dissolve once I obtain new insights. The walk occupied me for a while. The action was an intentional step to free myself of these feelings. They don't solve the real yearning, but in time the feeling is going to step aside and I know the companionship will come back to visit. I have been lucky to know this intimacy first hand through different friends and mentors. I think that in life there are moments we encounter, where we cannot change the situation directly, and we are meant to suffer for a bit, but through this suffering we gain the motivation to keep going. The only way to really feel any better is by trusting it will end, we just have to keep showing up.

Bags, Machines, and Robots

I work at a grocery store. I wonder what that means to most people. Consider for a moment your feelings about your grocery store. How do you feel when you go to the store for some bread and milk? Are you happy, sad, neutral? Have you had good experiences or bad ones? Maybe it's a mixture of both, depending upon the day, the cart with the broken wheels that you're given, your bag of flour with the unnoticed hole, the tricky signs over what you think are sale items, or the selection of cashiers to choose from in the front area. In your time of going through your list, trying to see if you've forgotten anything, have you seen the people around you? Do you know how everyone else feels? From where I stand they'll tell you.



As a fellow cashier I think of the minors that I work with. I considered the issues that they might face in today's world. I notice this constant struggle between the kids and the adults they service in their line. There seems to be this pressure that people place on them. If the cashier doesn't have the answer, on the spot, ready to go customers will blow a fuse.


I am currently enrolled at college, studying to become an art teacher. I do not have my degree, and I am not any child prodigy, but I know a thing or two. I am doing my part to avoid working 2 fulltime jobs to make ends meet and attempting to make a contribution to society by becoming a working citizen with a degree (not saying that people who haven't had the opportunity to go to college, or that unemployed people aren't doing the same- just pointing out that I am making an attempt). I personally have experienced the wrath of some angry customers. For example, how many different apples can you name? There are Golden Delicious, Gala Apples, Granny Smith, Red Delicious, Macintosh, Organic, Crab apples; should I go on? Now, do you know the codes? Each produce item has a 4-digit code. Organic items have 5. There are reasons for these codes. There are different prices for the apples, depending upon the season and quality. There are different ways for us to put these items into the system. It's a lot to memorize, and the codebook is not a best seller.






To make things helpful, workers in the produce part of the store place a sticker with the codes on the items. To make things even more complex, some of the items have 2, count em', 2 different codes; and they're the SAME EXACT ITEM. The reason for the different codes is because sometimes we get apples from one state and some apples from another. Even though they're the same item, and priced the same, the code just tells us where it is coming from, in case if we ever have a recall on things. Remember the issues with the E-coli fungus in spinach? It's kind of important. It is standard that we cashiers will look to see what the code is. We look at many codes, and we see a lot of numbers in the hours we work there. It's not a bad thing to double check, just to make sure I'm not charging you for yucca root when you're only getting bananas. The moment I pick up the bag of apples to double-check I hear a loud, "THEY'RE APPLES!" No shit. Still I smile and offer a firm, "Right!"






Bags can be a real issue. What to do with all that plastic? I'll say it; many times they are poorly manufactured. It's like they have a shelf life of 4 hours. They suck, and in more ways than one. It is these little plastic items, essentially made from oil, that are causing so many issues; and we want our bread double bagged. Our grocery store sells the green earth bags that are made of canvas material. If you bring your own bag, whatever it is made of, we will take 3 cents per bag off of your bill. Granted it isn't that much, but if you use them enough, the green earth savers will essentially pay for themselves. They are so strong that I use them to carry around text books at school. How cool is that?

The logic not to buy these earth savers is, "Oh I'll forget them." I understand, no one's perfect. Maybe it's not so much the use of plastic bags as it is the overuse. Potatoes already come in a plastic bag; put two of them in one plastic, "Oh can you double bag that? Thanks! Makes it easier to carry." Gallon jugs have handles; you can only fit one in a bag, if you need it. Because water is on the dry shelf, and milk in the coolers, people don't seem to mind the water without a bag, but if you don't put the milk in more plastic it'll lose it's refrigeration. Maybe people need the extra bags for insulating their homes. That must be it.

I made some attempts to get people motivated to avoid plastic and use their muscles, but when asking, "Do you want that in a bag," apparently my disappointed facial expression is not enough for them to decline. Now I'll look at another side, sometimes it is logical to get your groceries with paper in plastic; the reason being that they are taller and can hold more groceries (thus leading to less plastic use), they tend to be stronger and can be reused (screw purchasing the earth savers when you can reuse these), and one person said that the paper can be mulched into her garden; how nice. If you put the heavy stuff on the bottom it can even be arranged for a balanced distribution of weight so it's not TOO heavy. But paper in plastic is also abused, especially when they want all the cereal in the same bag, or should I say the 3 Paper and 3 plastic bags that it takes to fit it all in. Other reasons to double bag is for someone with a severe handicap, someone who's walking home a long distance, or maybe we all know that bag is just not going to make it to your car; I can understand this. I hate to say it, and I hate to judge, but I'd like a better excuse than, "It makes it easier." I am tempted to respond, "Mother Nature thanks you," or "You and Al Gore would get along great."


Knowing that there is usually a small desire from the customer to help out with this plastic epidemic, there are other ways a cashier can reduce their usage of plastic. In the training cession they call it 'building walls'. According to our training video, believe it or not, if done properly you can fit up to ten items into a grocery bag. I know what you're thinking, it seems as mysterious as the sushi in the seafood department, but it's true. The idea is to use the items so that they create more space and are structured so they will not collapse in on the other groceries. It is not difficult to do. This system can be proven to work, it's PHYSICS! Laws of gravity, think about it! Yet it is hard to trust seeing your 83 cent store brand bread go in with a box of Kellogg’s mini-wheat’s and a can of baked beans. How about that whole grain Sarah-Lee bread firm and good for you; there is so much nutrition packed into that brick you can probably put your canned goods on top of it and still make it home intact. Still, "Could you put the bread in a separate bag? Thanks!" *Sarcastic Smile* Then they're annoyed with me for trying and I look like an idito to them, or at least that's how they treat me.




Now how about that new technology? Those credit card machines? Do they ever work right? If it is possible, I'd love to have a clip from the security camera of how the customers treat these machines. I'll start by discussing how to use them properly. This technology is very sensitive, it doesn't take much to set them off. In fact, just a simple vibration will have the machine select a button without a person even touching it. For the most part all it takes is a simple press with the pen and a lift. Think of it like a key on a computer keyboard; it takes a gentle press and then lift to make a letter appear on the screen. It seems that some people believe that the button is hidden deep down inside the machine and it will take 30lbs of pressure on the little glass to make the button register. Some customers will lean their entire body weight into the machine, shaking as they place 210lbs of pressure channeled through this little pen.

In case you didn't know, this technology is extremely expensive. The cost for one coupon machine ranges from about 1,500 dollars to 3,000 bucks, just to spit coupons out at you. They're not something that any company will want to replace often, but they do. These things break down. Every once in a while I'll be placed on a register where the pen for the credit card machine is not functioning properly. To add to the sensitivity of how the pens are made, to guarantee the accuracy of where the computer recognizes the touch of the pen on the screen, a miniature magnet is placed inside the tip. Customers who do not have the patience to notice the message under their signature, after pressing the okay button that reads "Signature Accepted" will use the pen to aggressively jab the screen about 15-20 times. I wonder if this jabbing motion has anything to do with amount of pens the company has had to replace this year.

There seems to be this collective belief that all you have to do is swipe your card and you’re done. Customers will become annoyed when I explain to them that you have to select your payment type before sliding your card, yet they will still attempt to swipe prior to the payment selection. When the machine reads, "Please Swipe Card," they respond, "I already did." What baffles me is when they compare the machine to what it is like in the 'other store.' I think those key words say it all, and I'd bet that the other store's machine also has directions right on the screen; all you have to do is read and if you are having trouble I will be glad to talk you through the process.




With the holiday season we have been selling a lot of gift cards. They can be quite a convenient gift to give. Sometimes though there can be an issue. The cards need to be activated to work properly. It takes a simple scan, and once the payment is made, the receipt will print out, and shortly after so will a second receipt that confirms if the card was activated properly. Normally there isn't a problem at all. Yesterday I had a customer who purchased a card. She needed to see the second receipt confirming the activation. I am very willing to share this information with her, yet I am a little concerned with the eagerness she was presenting. She was telling me how the previous year she purchased a card for a friend only to have it not activate properly, "I was so embarrassed," she said. I could be wrong, but there seemed to be a feeling as though she was putting the responsibility of the failed activation of that previous card on me and that I too should feel embarrassed for her. I was wondering why she would allow such a thing upset her; a situation where truly no one could control. I can understand the desire to have our plans workout without any issues, but I am confused as to why we'd let these situations tarnish our self-esteem. Hopefully when I confirmed to her that this card was indeed activated she left feeling more confident about this Christmas.

I think my main objective in writing about these issues is to bring to light some of the things we are allow to frustrat us. People seem to become angry over the smallest things. I really am no one to judge, as I too fall victim to bursts of anger, but I am making an attempt to better that behavior. I get frustrated when I am standing at my register, making eye contact with the customer, my light is clearly on, and the customer will still ask, "Are you open?" I try to tell myself, 'They're just double checking. They don't know any better.' I am concerned about how we treat each other. I believe our behavior in the grocery store is no different from other environments; that we should be conducting ourselves in diplomatic ways showing our maturity and patience. Sure people make mistakes, but your patience can help the situation in so many ways.

Remember that we are surrounded by people. There are opportunities every moment of our lives to create deeper and more meaningful relationships with the strangers that surround us. Opening ourselves to small amounts of intimacy that come in acts of patience, eye-contact, smiles, and a calm speaking voice can do wonders in a person's life. Yet, we need our bread by itself, in a separate bag; heaven forbid it be smushed; how angry we'd be if we had smushed bread. Mind you we are 'screaming' at the cashier, I mean robot behind the register. Robots don't have love, they don't care about your smushed bread. They're not human, or are they?

Thinking again about the minors I work with, I think about the stress they face. Some of them are working to support their family while their peers are with other groups of people purchasing candy and other snacks. Some customers are so demanding and scream in angry and violent tones. I think of the minors and how loud their childhood is with the stresses of school, home life, work life, peer pressure and how little time they are given to be alone to explore life, discover, grow, and learn from observing their environment, but instead they have to deal with this aggressive and demanding energy. How can these people learn to be calm and happy inside when their environment is screaming at them to get the item at the correct sale price? I tell myself there has never been anyone to teach people, in general, "how" to treat one another; this being the reason why we forget to think about our tone, behavior, and other actions. This is the reason why parents hit their child’s hand, screaming that the kid can't have the candy, which happens to be placed in a 'grab-and-go' section of the store, and not considering that the child just doesn't know any better, or that a simple and calm "no" might just be the better solution.

I'm not trying to say that I have all the answers, or that I know every scenario. I'm not attempting to stereotype any particular people, class, race, gender, or age difference as every sort of people appear to fall under these ethical and behavioral issues. I am just trying to point out some of my observations. If I were to suggest any sort of strategy it would start by observing your behavior in public. Don't allow yourself to be angry with things that can't be controlled. It is no ones fault that the item is not scanning, and believe me when I say the cashier does not want you to be angry. It is not in their plan to make your experience miserable; they are trying to help you get your items at a convenient pace. If they appear annoyed, maybe we should consider how they've been treated in their day. Sure, we too have bad days, but if we learn to have some compassion on the situation it may prevent any further issues from occurring. If you can, try to reduce your plastic usage with bags. Most of us are somewhat aware of the issues with oil, global warming, and other economic and political issues. Try to reuse your bags, or just make a note on your grocery list so you won't forget the earth-savers. Read the directions, most of the technology is programmed to have all the directions right in front of you. There is never any reason to scream. All you have to do is ask for assistance. This can be done calmly. Sometimes we'll have to bite our tongs to hold in a scream, but people will be much more willing to cooperate with you without needing to see your tonsils. Remember you're in front of people, and everyone has a life. They are paid to work, but they also can experience just as much suffering as you can.

If you make some kind of sacrifice of pride or laziness, your effort may go unnoticed, but don't let that discourage you. Making efforts to improve ourselves is not a one-time and done, it is a lifestyle and it needs practice to be maintained properly. If you make an effort to behave better give yourself credit, pat yourself on the back, and then look forward to the next attempt. Forgive yourself and others when mistakes are made, and try to see the attempt being made, even if it appears to be a small one. This effort is everyone's responsibility.

Visits.

Today I got to spend time with a friend of mine who I rarely get to see. Tom goes to a different school and just got back from a semester in Germany. We went to Wal-Mart for a few moments then for a bite to eat. In the time we have we attempt to catch up on the things happening in each other's lives. We'll compare situations we face as we go through college, relationships, and issues in our family. We share personal things. We are there for one another.

During this winter break, pre-Christmas, time I am painting pictures for gifts. In my time of creation I make messes everywhere. My room is beyond being a joke; it's always a mess. It's funny because when I leave for school again, it becomes spotless. The mess follows me. I don't think I can create things without it. I think it's deeper than how most people perceive it to be.

Winter Landscapes

I took these photos from the desire to paint winter landscapes. I saw some images from a watercolor book, and I wanted to paint my own. The winter land use to depress me from the absence of leaves, but life still exists in subtle ways; the moss on the tress, the wet of melting snow; there is life here. There is silence in this space. I spoke to a friend recently and said, "Lately I have been listening to less music and more so to the sounds that my shoes make when walking in the snow."